The purple room
by Kawsek
Summary: Warning: Corny humor, Voldemort getting his diapers changed, and Malfoy's teddy bear having a tea party. It's the purple room! Come in and experience the insanity! Chapter 7 is up! Please Read and Review!!!
1. the humorless insanity backons

Hahaha. This is my second fanfic so far. I hope you like it!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything, so sue me.  
  
meg has joined #purple room  
  
meg: okay... seems like Im the only one here...  
  
meg: I can leave anytime now...  
  
scarhead has joined #purple room  
  
scarhead: hullo.  
  
meg: hi. Asl?  
  
Scarhead: 14m how bout you?  
  
Meg: 13f. where do you live?  
  
Scarhead: why should I tell you? Are you Voldemort or something?  
  
Meg: who?  
  
cannons has joined #purple room  
  
cannons: Harry!  
  
Scarhead: Ron!  
  
Meg: who? Wha?  
  
Cannons: who's she?  
  
Scarhead: I dunno actually.  
  
Cannons: meg, are you witch or muggle?  
  
Meg. I just had a picture in my head.  
  
Cannons: wha?  
  
Meg: am I talking to Harry Potter and Ron weasley?  
  
Cannons: hey harry! Im famous too!  
  
Scarface: wait, how did you know our names? Do you go to hogwarts?  
  
Meg: you two are supposed to be fictional!  
  
Hermy has joined #purple room  
  
Hermy: fictional are we?  
  
Scarface: hullo Hermione.  
  
Hermy: Ron, since when did you learn how to use a computer?  
  
Cannons: a what?  
  
Scarface: the thing you are typing on right now.  
  
Cannons: oh, you mean the fomputur?  
  
Meg: HOLD THE INSANITY!!!!!  
  
Scarface: what insanity?  
  
Meg: you people are not real!  
  
Hermy: whats all this rubbish about us not being real?  
  
Cannons: its not like we are just characters from a book, you know.  
  
Meg: how ironic.  
  
Meg: you ARE just characters from a book.  
  
Scarface: no were not. Were real.  
  
Meg: ever heard of the story book called " Harry Potter and the sorcerer's stone?  
  
Scarface: what? They made a book about that already?  
  
Cannons: this is creepy...  
  
Hermy: Im a muggle born witch, and I have never heard of it.  
  
Cuddles has joined #purple room  
  
cannons: cuddles?  
  
Scarface: who are you?  
  
Hermy: hullo.  
  
Cuddles: hello, Im draco and I was hoping we would be friends...  
  
Scarface: draco? Malfoy?  
  
Cannons: Im gonna burst out laughing any time now.  
  
Cuddles: waitaminute, Potter? Weasley? Granger?  
  
Hermy: finally guessed it right.  
  
Cuddles: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
cuddles is now known as warlord  
  
warlord: you didnt see me like this, get it, potter?  
  
Cannons: what? Something this good? Never...  
  
Scarface: hahaha  
  
Meg: that was odd...  
  
Hermy: welcome to the wizarding world.  
  
Warlord: who is this? A muggle?  
  
Meg: so...?  
  
Scarface: why dont you go have some nice warm tea and cakes, malfoy?  
  
Warlord: no, I wanna sleep with pookie...  
  
Hermy: Im cracking...'  
  
Warlord: you did not see that nor hear that.  
  
warlord has left #purple room  
  
Hermy: that was priceless!  
  
Scarface: malfoy sleeps with a bear. I knew that.  
  
Cannons: hahaha. Stupid git. Cant wait till school starts...  
  
Cannons: then I can sneak up to his trunk...  
  
Cannons: and grab his stuffed bear...  
  
Hermy: that would be a laugh.  
  
Meg: this is getting weirder and weirder...  
  
Scarface: Ive gotta go. Dudley's destroying the computer, he wants to surf the net badly.  
  
Cannons: bye then.  
  
scarface has left #purple room  
  
Hermy: you know, I better go as well. Im experimenting on a new potion...  
  
Hermy has left #purple room  
  
cannons: does this thing work anywhere else?  
  
Meg: where are you typing from anyway?  
  
Cannons: from this uh... cybir nit cafey.  
  
Cannons: ugjdblgrlfal  
  
Cannons: akjlheaialfh noooo kjglaejkagheliabgeli  
  
Cannons: Ron has to go now, his time is up. Thank you and good bye. – storekeeper  
  
Cannons has left #purple room  
  
meg: Im all alone again. Sigh.  
  
meg has left #purple room  
  
okay, have to admit, that was corny. But it was okay for what it was worth. Pleez, R+R! 


	2. its so corny it hurts

This is the second chapter since I got some nice reviews last time. I didn't think it was as funny as other fanfics though. Oh well, let the readers decide.  
  
Disclaimer: I wish that I own Harry Potter. But I don't. I wish I wish I wish...  
  
Hermy has joined #purple room  
  
scarface has joined #purple room  
  
Hermy: hullo Harry. Are you done with professor flitwick's report yet?  
  
Scarface: yeah... I wasnt able to do it until last week cuz dudley mistook my quill for a sugar feather. He ate it.  
  
Hermy: that must have been good.  
  
Scarface: imagine dudley with a pointed end of the quill protruding out of his triple chin.  
  
Hermy: sounds impossible.  
  
Hermy: did your uncle throw a fit?  
  
Scarface: not really. He ate one of my quills too.  
  
cannons has joined #purple room  
  
cannons: who ate one of your quills?  
  
Scarface: dudley and vernon.  
  
Cannons: funny... I could actually picture it in my head.  
  
Hermy: Id never suspect that youd have a brain in that skull of yours, ron.  
  
Cannons: hey! Whatd I do to you?  
  
Hermy: let me think...  
  
Hermy: in this summer alone...  
  
Hermy: you let me...  
  
Hermy: wash your dads car...  
  
Hermy: let me feed your pufskein...  
  
Hermy: which, by the way...  
  
Hermy: put its tongue up my nose while I was sleeping...  
  
Hermy: and ate my boogers!...  
  
Scarface: hahaha.  
  
Hermy: you let me clean your room...  
  
Hermy: get rid of the gnomes in your garden...  
  
Hermy: and to top it all off...  
  
Hermy: you stole my homework!  
  
Cannons: I didnt steal your homework... I borrowed it!  
  
Hermy: then why did you hide it in your school trunk?  
  
Cannons: uh...  
  
Scarface: its over Herms... calm down...  
  
Hermy: DO NOT CALL ME HERMES!!!!!!!!!  
  
meg has joined #purple room  
  
meg: hullo again.  
  
Meg: where are you typing from this time, ron?  
  
Cannons: dad found it in the dump. He magicked it to work. But now the screen's yellow and it shoots out sparks if there is an error.  
  
Scarface: thats hygenic for you...  
  
Hermy: Im not apeaking to this dimwit anymore!  
  
Meg: who? Me? What did I do?  
  
Cannons: yeah Herm! What did meg do?  
  
Hermy: Im talking about you weasley!!!!!!!  
  
slytherin has joined #purple room  
  
slytherin: has anyone here seen a pair of pink slippers?  
  
Hermy: who are you?  
  
Slytherin: what is this!!??  
  
Scarface: professor snape?  
  
Slytherin: who are you!?  
  
Cannons: yet another priceless moment...  
  
Slytherin: fifty points off gryffindor!!!!!  
  
Hermy: for what!?  
  
Slytherin: for luring a teacher into a chatroom for students only!  
  
Cannons: how are we supposed to be responsible for that?  
  
Slytherin: another fifty points off gryffindor!  
  
Meg: why now?  
  
Slytherin: bad grammar.  
  
Scarface: ...  
  
Cannons: ...  
  
Hermy: ...  
  
Meg: ...  
  
Slytherin: another fifty points off gryffindor!  
  
Scarface: WHAT NOW!?  
  
Slytherin: for being suspiciously silent... and another fifty for shouting, potter...  
  
slytherin was kicked by Hermy  
  
hermy: Ive always wanted to do that...  
  
cannons: is he gone?  
  
Meg: yup. And so am I. Ive got a bookreport I have to finish. Lucky you wizards dont have these things...  
  
meg has left #purple room  
  
Hermy: oh no! my homework!  
  
hermy has left #purple room  
  
scarface: c'mon ron... lets have a confession...  
  
scarface: did you or did you not steal Hermione's homework?  
  
Cannons: I didnt STEAL it, I BORROWED it.  
  
Cannons: now if you will excuse me, Ive got her homework to copy.  
  
cannons has left #purple room  
  
scarface: guess Im gonna search the net then...  
  
scarface: kjhroqiaufhhaldjgdug  
  
scarface: hjfaj  
  
scarface: dudley! Fawluihl aefhdugfaslgaufl  
  
scarface has disconnected  
  
pretty much boring, if I do say so myself. Pleez R+R even if I know it isnt that good. 


	3. Im insane so insane I wrote this chapter

I got more reviews, so I'm gonna make another one. I apologize for my bad sense of humor. Thank you to Ady for the villain of the story.  
  
Disclaimer: sadly, I will NEVER get to own Harry Potter. Isn't it a shame?  
  
crystal has joined #purple room  
  
crystal: I see that someone will be joining me sometime soon...  
  
scarface has entered #purple room  
  
crystal: ah... you have come, weasley...  
  
scarface: huh? Im harry. Ron's not here yet.  
  
hermy has joined #purple room  
  
crystal: ah... weasley... you are here...  
  
hermy: professor trelawny...? Im not ron! Im hermione!  
  
Crystal: when is that damn weasley gonna show up!?  
  
Scarface: once you leave?  
  
Hermy: told you she was rubbish, harry.  
  
Scarface: no one told you that I didnt believe you before.  
  
Crystal: potter... I sense... I sense... DEATH!!!!!  
  
cannons has joined #purple room  
  
cannons: not this again...  
  
crystal: finally, mr. Weasley, Ive been waiting for you...  
  
scarface: ron, just ignore her...  
  
hermy: no, I wanna hear this one. What will it be now? Pulled into the lake by a gummi worm?  
  
Cannons: whats a gummy worm?  
  
Crystal: potter... the grim... the grim...!  
  
Scarface: sirius! Stop that!  
  
meg has joined #purple room  
  
crystal: we will be joined by a muggle soon...  
  
hermy: oh, wow, what a third eye!  
  
Crystal: why thank you miss granger.  
  
Hermy: I was being sarcastic, you idiotic fake.  
  
Meg: whats going on?  
  
Scarface: professor trelawny. Thats what.  
  
Crystal: WAIT!  
  
Cannons: oh no... can you guess whats coming next? Cmon... guess, guess!  
  
Crystal: I feel a premonition coming...  
  
Meg: not this again...  
  
Scarface: bet you a forty galleons shell say Im gonna die, ron.  
  
Cannons: Im up for that bet!  
  
Crystal: potter... you... you're uncle is going to come home very angry!  
  
Scarface: told you she'd say Id die.  
  
Cannons: damn!  
  
Hermy: you fake old bag!!!!! Harry's uncle always comes home angry!  
  
Meg: Im going to leave this foolishness.  
  
meg has left #purple room  
  
cannons: are we going to stay in this chatroom with HER?  
  
Scarface: seems so... at least, for a little while.  
  
Crystal: the dark lord is coming!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hermy: the dark lord is alive and well again, MORON!!!!!  
  
Hermy: hey harry, ron, watch this...  
  
Hermy: I installed a new action. Its very useful for times like these...  
  
hermy beat up crystal  
  
scarface: shes gone!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!  
  
Cannons: hey, lemmee try that...  
  
cannons beat up hermy  
  
cannons: hehehe...  
  
scarface beat up cannons  
  
scarface: hey...  
  
-----beat up scarface  
  
-----: hehe, foolish mortals... I AM alive and well... and I shall destroy the UNIVERSE!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
-----'s mom: TOM! What have I told you about destroying the universe!?  
  
-----: but mom... its my job to wreak havoc... cant you wait until lunch to change my diapers?  
  
-----'s mom: no excuse! Get off NOW!!!!!!!  
  
----- was disconnected  
  
-----'s mom has left #purple room  
  
its not funny at all. Oh well, R+R. 


	4. did I mention Im insane? I think I did

Why do you people keep insisting that I'm funny?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so YA!  
  
Scarface has joined #purple room  
  
Scarface: she said yes! She said yes! She said yes!  
  
Cannons: who said yes?  
  
Scarface: Cho!  
  
Cannons: yes!  
  
Hermy has joined #purple room  
  
Hermy: what are you two talking about?  
  
Scarface: cho said yes!  
  
Cannons: it's brilliant! It's amazing!  
  
Hermy: I don't get it.  
  
Meg has joined #purple room  
  
Meg: don't get what?  
  
Hermy: cho said yes.  
  
Meg: to what?  
  
Hermy: (shrugs and stares at Harry and Ron like they were insane.)  
  
Meg: are they making any sense yet?  
  
Hermy: they never did.  
  
Meg:...  
  
Meg: sad but true...  
  
Scarface and cannons prance around the room  
  
Meg slaps scarface  
  
Hermy slaps cannons  
  
Hermy: stop it! You two are absolutely making no sense!  
  
Cannons: no sense of what?  
  
Meg: no sense of everything!  
  
Scarface: no we're not.  
  
Hermy: then what just happened?  
  
Scarface: Cho.....said......yes...  
  
Meg: this is going nowhere.  
  
Hermy: that's what you expect from two buffoons who think rule breaking is fun.  
  
Cannons: we get that from a witch who thinks house- elves need pay.  
  
Meg: OOOHHHHH!!!!! I read that part in the fourth book! Whatever happened to SPEW again?  
  
Hermy: I gave up on it. Hardly anyone would sign up.  
  
Meg: one time I tried making an anime lover's club at school. Almost nobody signed up.  
  
Hermy: why?  
  
Meg: its not that they hate anime, its that I was a dork back then.  
  
Scarface: what do you look like Meg?  
  
Meg: glasses, brown eyes, long brown hair. Typical nerd.  
  
Cannons: sounds like hermione to me.  
  
Scarface: snicker  
  
Hermy beat up cannons and scarface  
  
Hermy: that felt GOOD...  
  
Meg: you're evil you know that?  
  
Hermy: only to those two dingbats.  
  
Scarface has joined #purple room  
  
Cannons has joined #purple room  
  
Scarface: hermione!  
  
Cannons: what was that for!?  
  
Hermy: you had it coming.  
  
Meg: you're mean, hermione.  
  
Hermy: and proud of it!  
  
Black has joined #purple room  
  
Scarface: Sirius!  
  
Cannons: hey! What's up?  
  
Black: nothing' much. Just sitting around, what are you kids up to?  
  
Hermy: we were just discussing on how dim-witted these two dingbats are.  
  
Black: who? You and...  
  
Cannons: hahahahaha!!!!! Good one!  
  
Black and Cannons high five  
  
Meg: the famous Sirius black!  
  
Black: well if it isn't my old friend Meg! How are these wizards and witches treating you?  
  
Scarface: Sirius? You know Meg?  
  
Black: well yeah! She's one of the few people who believed my innocence when I escaped from azkaban. The only muggle I know actually.  
  
Meg: please, I prefer the term, non-magical.  
  
Black: sorry, sorry. In fact, I'm glad I bumped into you here Meg.  
  
Hermy: why ever so?  
  
Black: I've just gotten some on-the-grapevine news that a muggle refused going to Hogwarts! Sound familiar?  
  
Meg: no. I don't know what you're talking about!  
  
Scarface: what kind of muggle would resist going to Hogwarts?  
  
Black: apparently, they never got the letter of acceptance in time. So the parents just never revealed the letter to the muggle.  
  
Hermy: poor girl or boy. I wonder what would have happened if she went to hogwarts?  
  
(Author's note: see " Harry Potter and the Foretold Prophecy" )  
  
Meg: what's this? ^  
  
Hermy: ?  
  
Scarface: no clue.  
  
Cannons: I think it's from the author of the story.  
  
Meg:...  
  
Hermy: ...  
  
Scarface: ...  
  
Cannons:...  
  
Black: squadron attack!  
  
(Author sweatdrops before entire cast wrestles her to the ground)  
  
Scarface: it felt good beating her up!  
  
Cannons: finally caught up with her!  
  
Hermy: so she's the root of all this insanity!  
  
Meg:... I pity her.  
  
Black: Must run. Literally. I'm not in fluffy form here and the police just spotted me, bye kids! Take care Harry!  
  
Black has left #purple room  
  
Cannons: speaking of which, I have to go too before Fred and George blow this fomputur up.  
  
Cannons has left #purple room  
  
Hermy: Harry, c'mon. Spit it out. Why did Cho say yes?  
  
Scarface: she didn't.  
  
Meg: then what was that all about Cho saying yes?  
  
Scarface: absolutely nothing. Ron and I just wanted to confuse you.  
  
Hermy: why?  
  
Scarface: payback.  
  
Scarface has left #purple room  
  
Meg: I still don't get it.  
  
Hermy: neither do I.  
  
Meg has left #purple room  
  
Hermy has left #purple room  
  
Cannons: I'm still here... damn Fred and George messed with the system... cant... log... off...  
  
Cannons: a hell, just pull the plug!  
  
Cannons: good idea forge.  
  
Cannons: thanks gred.  
  
Cannons: I'm so bored IM talking to myself.  
  
  
  
That was corny. C'mon, I accept flames too. SEND ME SOME FLAMES PEOPLE! Ow... my back hurts... 


	5. even my fic hates me!

By popular demand, aw, just read it.  
  
Disclaimer: so what if I don't own Harry Potter? BITE ME!  
  
Scarface has just joined #purple room  
  
Scarface:...  
  
Cannons has just joined #purple room  
  
Scarface: Rony!  
  
Cannons: Har!  
  
Scarface: wassup?  
  
Cannons: nothing much. I'm just messing around with Hermione's homework.  
  
Hermy has joined #purple room  
  
Hermy: YOU WHAT!?  
  
Cannons: uh...  
  
Hermy: GUILT IS WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE! YOU STOLE MY HOMEWORK! THAT'S WHY I COULDNT FIND IT ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE! I SWEAR WEASLEY, ONCE SCHOOL STARTS, IM GOING TO WRING YOUR SCRAWNEY LITTLE NECK TO THE POTION DUNGEON'S WALL, AND LET THE RATS EAT YOU ALIVE!!!!  
  
Cannons: so how could I give you back your homework?  
  
Hermy: WHY YOU LITTLE-----  
  
(Hermy grabs cannon's neck and shakes it like crazy)  
  
(Author's note: imagine homer and Bart from the Simpson's.)  
  
Scarface: by the way, where's Meg?  
  
Author: ahem, may I butt in?  
  
(Hermy loosens her grip on cannon's neck and drops him, forgetting he ever existed.)  
  
Hermy: IT'S YOU! YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS!  
  
(Hermy attempts to grab Author's neck. Force field blocks her. Hermy staggers Backward.)  
  
Author: oohhh. I love these action options! I'm safe from my own story.  
  
Author: anyway, Meg has been killed.  
  
Cannons: killed?  
  
Hermy: by who? Voldemort?  
  
Author: no, ahem, by me.  
  
(Hermy does another attempt to grab neck, force field.)  
  
Author: it's no use trying to hurt me now; I am technically not part of the story. I am Simply a fragment used to explain certain situations. I'm also the narrator of the story. SO THERE!  
  
Author: I've permanently deleted Meg from the script under popular demand.  
  
Author: for your information. SHE IS NOT A MARY SUE.  
  
Author: she was, technically, the Harry Potter fan part of myself.  
  
Author: oh the agony...  
  
(All characters are sitting on the ground, dumbstruck.)  
  
Author: I love it when you guys are under my every command. I shall go now.  
  
Author:...  
  
Author:...  
  
Author:...  
  
Author: DAMN IT! Why can't I get outta here!?  
  
Scarface: Hermione, explain.  
  
Hermy: thank you Harry.  
  
(Hermy pulls down from nowhere a complicated chart full of... stuff...)  
  
Hermy: since you, the Author, has been present within this script and has stayed present for more than 3 minutes, you have now been considered as another character in the story. It is therefore, that you will not only keep writing this fic under strict conduct, but will continue by force. Do you understand?  
  
Author: WAITAMINUTE! THIS ISNT IN THE SCRIPT!  
  
Scarface: it is now.  
  
(Scarface holds up script document with an evil smile across his face.)  
  
Author: why, oh why, has my creation forsaken me? WHY!?  
  
Cuddles has joined #purple room  
  
Slytherin has joined #purple room  
  
Crystal has joined #purple room  
  
Black has joined #purple room  
  
--------- has joined #purple room  
  
Cannons: hello malfoy, snape, trelawney, Sirius.  
  
Scarface: and... Who are you?  
  
----------: I will kill you potter, one day.  
  
Scarface: hey voldemort, how's it hangin?  
  
----------: Damn! My identity has been revealed! Escape! Mommy! I need some diapers, pronto!  
  
--------- has left #purple room  
  
Scarface:...?  
  
Cannons:...?  
  
Hermy: ... odd...  
  
Author: don't look at me! I didn't see that coming!  
  
(Black coughs and everything resumes)  
  
Cuddles: I see you've caught her. Good job Potter, for an amateur.  
  
Slytherin: could I poison her now?  
  
Cuddles: DAMN YOU! WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME THE NAME CUDDLES!? AND I DO NOT SLEEP WITH A TEDDY BEAR!  
  
(Author tries to block cuddle's hit. Force field malfunction. Author gets a black eye.)  
  
Slytherin: Once I find out where you live, muggle, I'm going to inject you with so much poison you will die from the pain!  
  
(Slytherin looks at Author evilly. Author sweatdrops.)  
  
Crystal: you're future seems very dim, Author. If it doesn't seem so, I will make it so.  
  
(Crystal shoots power ball at author.)  
  
Cannons: whoa, she can do that?  
  
Scarface: cool! Power balls! But she's still a fake old bag.  
  
Hermy: amen.  
  
Black: DAMN AUTHOR! ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY BELIEVED IN MY INNOCENCE HUH!? I'LL GIVE YOU INNOCENCE! AND PAIN ALONG WITH IT!  
  
(Black beats Author up like a chew toy.)  
  
(Author is a mess. Twitches.)  
  
Scarface: that'll leave her unconscious for a while. Who wants to go get some ice cream?  
  
Cannons: I'm game!  
  
Hermy: sure.  
  
Cuddles: sorry, I have to go and wash pookie.  
  
Cuddles has just left #purple room  
  
Slytherin: I have to go and check on fluffy. She must be oh so hungry right now.  
  
Slytherin has just left #purple room  
  
Crystal: I just had a vision that my turban needs a good vacuuming.  
  
Crystal has left #purple room  
  
Black: Must run.  
  
Scarface: but you don't have anything to do!  
  
Black: no, uh... the dementors are still looking for me, I really must run...  
  
Black has just left #purple room  
  
Hermy:...  
  
Scarface:... Cannons:...  
  
(All of them stare at their computer screens in shock) 


	6. its so corny its not funny

Im so sorry it took a long time to make this chapter. I got another set of nice reviews so I made this one as soon as I found the time. Thank you to all who read and Review my fic and if you want to be included as an extra in this fic you're always welcome to do so. Just tell me, kay? Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and co. I don't own Harry Potter and co. Dumbledore's beard is as long as Duo's braid. I don't own Harry Potter and co.  
  
Purple room  
  
Author: WHY THE HELL AM I STILL IN HERE!??????????????  
  
hermy has joined #purple room  
  
hermy: shut up. You are permanently a part of this fic, so don't even try to run away.  
  
scarface has joined #purple room  
  
scarface: long time no see hermy! Hey it rhymes!  
  
Hermy: Harry... when are you going to turn from your childish ways?  
  
Author: when pigs can fly and you become stupid?  
  
Hermy: ( whacks author on the head with *Hogwarts: A History. Author unconscious. )  
  
(*available in all major leading magical libraries)  
  
cannons has just joined #purple room  
  
cannons: Hiya Harry!  
  
Scarface: Hullo Ron!  
  
Hermy: the dynamic duo. How quaint.  
  
Cannons: Wow! How observant of you Herms!  
  
Hermy: DO NOT CALL ME HERMS!  
  
Cannons: yeah whatever herms. So what's up Harry?  
  
Scarface: nothing much. Dudley's got a giant mole on his butt.  
  
Hermy: That's... queer...  
  
Cannons: COOL! How big is it?  
  
Scarface: as big as malfoy's brain!  
  
Hermy: I thought you said it was giant!  
  
Scarface: Well, compared to malfoy's brain, it is kinda big...  
  
viktor has joined purple room  
  
Viktor: Hermione?  
  
Hermy: Viktor?  
  
Cannons: VIKTOR!!!!!!!!!!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! It's VIKTOR!!!!!!!!! Remember me? Im Ron weasley, remember?  
  
Scarface: Ron, you sound like a girl...  
  
Viktor: uh... yeah...  
  
Scarface: hullo Krum.  
  
Viktor: Hey Harry.  
  
Hermy: Viktor, I haven't seen you since summer. How are you? Feeling better?  
  
Cannons: Feeling better?? When did he ever feel worse? He's VIKTOR KRUM!  
  
Viktor: uh... yeah Im feeling fine Hermione.  
  
Cannons: Im glad he actually got her name right this time.  
  
Viktor: huh?  
  
Cannons: nothing! Nothing at all Viktor! Hahaha...  
  
Hermy: I felt kind of guilty after pushing you into that cursed swamp last summer. Are you sure you're okay?  
  
Cannons: YOU PUSHED VIKTOR KRUM INTO A SWAMP!? HOW COULD YOU!? THAT'S--- THAT'S LIKE PUSHING MERLLIN INTO A SWAMP! YOU JUST PUSHED A LEGEND INTO A CURSED SWAMP!???????????  
  
Hermy: as if you would know about merlin ron. You can't even spell it right.  
  
Cannons: bow down and pay your respects!!!!!!!!  
  
Hermy: No thanks. I don't want to catch the Rongitis.  
  
Scarface: rongitis?  
  
Hermy: It's a contagious disease. You get it when you hang around Ron too much. Symptoms are stupidity and idiocy.  
  
Cannons: bow down and PAY your RESPECTS, WOMAN!  
  
Scarface: ...  
  
Viktor: ...  
  
Hermy: uh huh... right... I must leave before I catch rongitis.  
  
hermy has just left #purple room  
  
Viktor: Hermione! Wait!  
  
viktor has just left #purple room  
  
author: huh? What did I miss?  
  
Scarface: ...Is Ron going insane a regular occurence?  
  
Author: ...  
  
Author: ...  
  
Author: ...I won't ask.  
  
Scarface: see you. I have to go. Dudley's trying to get the mole of his butt off by burning it.  
  
Author:...I won't ask either.  
  
scarface has just left #purple room  
  
Author: waitaminute... WHAT THE-!? WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME ALL ALONE HERE! SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
---------: Hahaha!!!!!!! Foolish muggle! Do you truly think you could leave after chatting with the almighty VOLDEMORT!?  
  
Author: oh go change your nappy.  
  
---------: ...  
  
---------: ...  
  
---------: ...mommy! she insulted me! Wahhh!  
  
--------- just left #purple room  
  
Author: ...uh...huh...  
  
Author: That was beyond the term, weird.  
  
Author: Someone get me out of here, PLEASEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
Thanks for all the reviews I got. I am grateful to you all even if my humor sucks Im glad that this appeals to all of you! Please review to give me the strength to go on!  
  
And special mention to Cabo 


	7. can you say happy?

Yay yipee!!!!! I've got an extra character request!!!!! The very first one!!!!! *skips around the room and celebrates* Thank you sssssoooooooo much um... *looks at pinboard*... Angelgirll... yup, she's the one!!!!! You have made me soooo happy!!!!! *hops around the room* You know, I thought that by now, this purple room would be forever ignored, to rot in eternal darkness... but you've made my day, so Im making here the 7th episode of "the purple room". Enjoy!!!!!!(^-^)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I do not own Angelgirll's name. I own myself and this pathetic excuse for a computer.  
  
Angelgirll has joined # purple room  
  
Author: Hello and welcome to this godforsaken place.  
  
Angelgirll: Where am I?  
  
Author: I am sorry to say, you're in hell. By the way, I am the authoress of this fic, the ultimate ruler. YOUR GOD.  
  
Angelgirll: You  
  
Angelgirll: Are  
  
Angelgirll: Insane.  
  
Angelgirll: Im outta here. Not like Im gonna see Draco in here anyway.  
  
Cuddles has joined # purple room  
  
Cuddles: Hello um... what should I call you? "Author" or "prisoner of her own godforbidden fic"?  
  
Author: Shut up Malfoy. Still using "cuddles" I see, Mama's boy.  
  
Cuddles: Shut up.  
  
Angelgirll: You... are Draco Malfoy?  
  
Cuddles: Who in blazes are you? Another muggle?  
  
Angelgirll: No, Im a witch. And I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cuddles: WHAT THE-  
  
Angelgirll chases Cuddles around the room in an attempt to glomp him and kiss him silly.  
  
Cuddles: still running WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!??  
  
Angelgirll: still chasing after cuddles Im Angel and I LOVE YOU DRACO!!!!!! MARRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author: staring Who's insane now?  
  
Cuddles: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE FOR!? HELP ME!!  
  
Author: takes out a bag of popcorn Nah, apparently, I like watching this. It's kind of funny. grins evilly while munching on a bar of chocolate  
  
Angelgirll: stops in her tracks, sniffs the air and spots the bar of chocolate. Author sweatdrops CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! steals the bar of chocolate and munches it happily  
  
Cuddles: relieved Thank you.  
  
Author: Damn it! I don't need thanks from you Malfoy! Hey you! Give me back my chocolate!!!!!!!! catfights Angelgirll for chocolate  
  
Hermy has joined # purple room  
  
Cuddles: Granger.  
  
Hermy: Malfoy.  
  
Hermy: What are you doing here? Did pookie get bored of you?  
  
Cuddles: Shut up! And for your information, Pookie is currently away at a tea party along with Snuggles and Mooch.  
  
Hermy: O_o  
  
Cuddles: OMG, did I just say that?  
  
Hermy: Yes you did, Malfoy.  
  
Cuddles: Don't you DARE say a word to ANYONE about this or I would see to it that you never walk on the face of this earth again.  
  
Hermy: Uh-huh. What else is new? And you couldn't cast a spell even if Mooch did it for you.  
  
Cuddles: I'll have you know that I-  
  
Author: Uh, Malfoy...  
  
Cuddles: What happened to the little duel between you and that Angel girl over the piece of chocolate?  
  
Author: Well uh... she ate the chocolate. And I highly suggest that you start running. Now.  
  
Angelgirll: shadows hide her face, looks up with starlight in eyes YOU CALLED ME ANGEL GIRL!!!!! YOU CARE ABOUT ME!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU DRACO!!!!!!! chases after Cuddles, now calling him muffle-pie  
  
Cuddles: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!???  
  
Hermy: The sugar rush. Interesting.  
  
Author: Man, that girl wants her chocolate. She's tough to fight with. bandages up all her bruises from the er... "cat fight"  
  
Scarface has joined # purple room  
  
Cuddles: Potter! Do me a favor! Kick me out of this god forsaken room!  
  
Scarface: Huh?  
  
Cuddles: Save me from this madwoman! She's gone insane! continues to run. Angelgirll continues to chase Cuddles  
  
Scarface: Would someone explain to me what the blazes is going on?  
  
Hermy: To make a long story short, a chocolate-induced, and this part absolutely disgusts me, Malfoy-crazy maniac is chasing Malfoy around calling him muffle-pie and sending him to his perception of hell. What do you do?  
  
Author, Scarface, and Hermy look at each other, then sit down and watch the drama unfold, all the while munching on popcorn  
  
Cuddles: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING??? DO YOU WANT TO STAY IN THIS ROOM FOREVER WITH THIS LUNATIC!!??  
  
Author, Scarface, Hermy: Yes.  
  
Scarface: You're the only one bothered by her anyway.  
  
Hermy: Just make this your punishment.  
  
Author: For being a mama's boy.  
  
Cannons has joined # purple room  
  
Cannons: What's going on?  
  
Cuddles: Quick! Weasley! Get me out of this place! Kick me!  
  
Cannons: ?  
  
Cannons: Okay, whatever...  
  
Cannons has kicked cuddles out of the # purple room.  
  
Scarface: Aw... Ron! You just ruined the fun!  
  
Hermy: He was suffering... I loved seeing him suffer under the hands of a chocolate-crazy maniac...  
  
Author: No commento.  
  
Angelgirll: sniff Draco's... gone? Muffle-pie go bye bye? sniff  
  
Author: Yes, muffle-pie go bye bye... snicker  
  
--------- has joined # purple room  
  
Scarface: Wassup Riddle?  
  
---------: DO NOT CALL ME RIDDLE!!! You shall address me as your lordness, your evilness, the evil one, oh evil one, or...  
  
Angelgirll: Gay?  
  
---------: What did you say?  
  
Angelgirll: You're gay, oh evil one.  
  
---------: I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT!!  
  
Angelgirll: Very gay of you to say that, your evilness.  
  
---------: Why thank-  
  
---------: HEY!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!!!  
  
Author: I never knew Voldie was gay...  
  
Scarface: Maybe under the influence of Snape?  
  
Hermy: Nah.  
  
Cannons: That's just... plain wrong...  
  
Author: I mean, I knew he was a pathetic warlord who couldn't change his own diapers, but gay? That's... not right...  
  
Angelgirll: He's gay.  
  
---------: I AM NOT GAY!!!!!  
  
--------- has left # purple room  
  
Angelgirll: He's gay.  
  
Hermy: Right...  
  
Hermy has left # purple room  
  
Cannons has left # purple room  
  
Scarface has left # purple room  
  
Angelgirll: But I'm telling you, HE'S GAY! I have PROOF!!!!!  
  
Author has kicked Angelgirll out of # purple room  
  
Author: Get outta here. Tell it to the asylum.  
  
Author: Now what do I do?  
  
Author: Damn it! I can't get out of here yet!? This sucks!  
  
This was an extremely corny and pathetic excuse for a humor fic! I suck! I had to end it so I just made them all go. Im pathetic. You guys could kill me if you want for my lack of humor. Just don't flame me, okay? You could kill me, but don't flame me. I cannot stress REVIEW enough, so REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!1 


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